To Be His Help Meet Part 3
Please note: this is part three in a series of posts. For part one, please click here. And you'll find part two here.
As I started to read more in the scriptures about submission, and as I prayed to gain a deeper, correct understanding of the principle, I found myself increasingly impressed with the reasoning behind it, and found that I was drawing closer to my husband and to my Heavenly Father through testing it's precepts.
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Very early on, I discovered that a lot of my preconceived ideas surrounding submission we're to put it bluntly a load of old rubbish. I found that submission is not:
- A way of implying that the male is superior and the female is inferior. We are created different from one another in form and in purpose as is our Heavenly Father's plan.Both men and women are created in the image of God. Neither is any better than the other just different -"And I, God, created man in mine own image, in the image of mine Only Begotten created I him; male and female created I them" (Moses 2:27).
- Submission is not obeying your husband out of fear.
- It does not mean that you can agree with your husband in order to gain any kind of "advantage" over him, or to control or manipulate him.
- Submission does not require a wife to be a "yes man" to her husband. It doesn't mean you will never argue or ever say anything that will make your husband mad. You are designed to be your husbands helper. You are partners. A team! You complement one another. You can give your husband input but try to do it in a thoughtful, caring manner.
- Submission does not mean that you should close your eyes to any sin for the sake of "keeping the peace". Just as your husband might need to do to you at some point, you may sometimes need to speak the truth in love to him in order to help one another come closer to our Saviour and to our Heavenly Father.
Submission is not blind obedience, but a following that comes from a relationship of trust and mutual esteem. It is honour and respect. It is demonstrating kindness, caring, love and sensitivity. Once I understood this, I was much happier with the concept, and felt ready to try and tackle it head on. I've since found that a simple, slight change of attitude is sometimes all that is required The rest will follow!
To take an example, I always try to paint my husband in a good light. When I married Shaun, I resolved to never say a bad word about him in the company of others. I will be honest and say I've maybe had one or two tiny slip ups with close friends when I've been particularly frustrated (I'm still learning), but for 99.9% of the time, you will never hear me say anything negative about my husband. I have memories of being in various situations where, for whatever reason, wives would be discussing their respective husbands shortcomings, or detailing his latest escapade in which the poor man had gotten something spectacularly wrong. In these kinds of situations, I keep schtum. Nobody is perfect. But it's certainly not for me to broadcast my husband's faults for all to hear. How would I feel if Shaun we're discussing me in the same way with his friends? Terribly upset and somewhat betrayed, I'd imagine, and I hope he never has. In submitting to my husband, I am agreeing to treat him with honour and respect to encourage and uplift, not berate and ridicule, which seems to have become something of a popular pastime in our present culture. How difficult is it to come up with something nice to say about the person you're married to?
Every man marries a woman wishing her to think he's the most wonderful guy in the world. I'm pretty sure the woman mirrored these emotions, or why would she have gotten hitched? Try to remember that.
Submission is often lived out in marriage through the little choices we make every day. One small example that opened my eyes to how Shaun views my actions is as follows I was preparing dinner in the kitchen and he was getting the rubbish ready to be taken out. I watched him with a somewhat frustrated look on his face take out a few cans and plastic items that we're at the top and put them aside to recycle. He knew that I'd put them there, he knew that he'd told me numerous times how important recycling was to him, and I'd gone ahead and thrown them in the trash anyway. By continuing to put recyclable items in with the everyday rubbish, I'd basically been giving the impression that I didn't care about what he thought. One tiny, little change of attitude later and I'm now happy to say that we are a household 100% committed to recycling. It may seem trivial, but I've come to learn that these sort of moments are exactly the ones that give me the opportunity to honour my husband's wishes, to say to him, "I might not agree or completely understand why this is so important to you, but I will try to support you".
Sometimes there are barriers to submission. Fear, pride, thinking you're right, wanting to be in control, thinking you know best, thinking you have something to prove, or maybe down right selfishness. Hey, I was up there with the best of 'em! Then as I was a little ways further down the road in learning about all this I took another look at the famous "love verse" in Corinthians:
"Charity suffereth long,and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not ininiquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.Charity never faileth." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
Charity the pure love of Christ. The person we confess to be our Saviour and Redeemer. The very person we profess to want to be like. Take a look at what Paul is saying here Christ is kind, is not conceited or vain, is patient and puts others before Himself (among other things). Is this not totally and completely at odds with "thinking you know best", "wanting control" or "having something to prove"?. If we are to be like Christ, then we learn to love as He does. And who better to receive this than our husbands? It follows that naturally, we would submit. That was one huge lightbulb moment for me, let me tell you!
Submission is in the little things turning away from your book, or the television and giving him your full attention when he needs to speak to you. It's really listening to what he has to say. It's choosing not to do or say something that you know really irritates your husband. It's choosing to ask before making a purchase, whether you think he'll be OK with it or not. It's about not nagging and pushing until you get your own way. It's your tone of voice. It's your body language.
And its your choice. It is choosing to trust that God's commands (and this is a commandment!) are what will benefit your marriage best. It is choosing to trust that hearkening to the will of our Heavenly Father will bring only good things for you.
But that isn't all. There are two sides to every coin.
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Posted in Cleaning Services Post Date 08/19/2017